The BIG Talk An Age-By-Age Guide

Experts advise talking about sexuality frankly — and often — with your children.

How to answer children’s questions about sex honestly is a struggle for many parents. But there are ways to approach “the talk,” and you don’t have to wait until the day your child comes home from school and peppers you with questions. In fact, bringing up the subject early and often can make future conversations less awkward, and guide your children toward responsible choices.

Ages Birth - 3:

Babies are naturally curious, and their bodies are the most convenient objects to explore. Now is the time to start naming body parts, says Rev. Debra W. Haffner, director of The Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing, in her book, Beyond the Big Talk (Newmarket Press; $24.95) . While it’s tempting to use silly names, Haffner advises parents to use proper terms like “penis” and “vagina.”

“Why teach them the wrong words and then have to re-teach them the right ones?” she asks. Correctly naming private parts is the first step in keeping things comfortable — and establishes trust. If your child can’t count on you to give him the right names, how can he count on you to answer the big questions that come later?

Haffner also points out that at this age, toddlers can “get” that they grew in Mommy’s belly and that Daddy played a big part in helping to make the baby, but they aren’t going to be interested in detailed answers. However, she advises that they WILL get interested if you hedge and don’t seem to want to talk!

Answer as honestly as possible with the vocabulary your child can understand, Haffner advises.