"I don't want to!" Disciplining Kids in Public

Disciplining your child in front of others is hard, to say the least. So, when your little one shows his true colors in the middle of a crowd, be prepared!

Yes, it’s a nightmare when your child starts acting up in the middle of the grocery store, but the fact is all kids have tantrums at some point! There’s nothing worse than a toddler tantrum: Your sweet child is screaming. Perfect strangers have their eyes on you. Your face gets so red hot that you’re sure you might be on fire. You want to run away, abandon your loving parental duties — but no!

You must take charge and handle the moment gracefully ... but how? Should you bolt from wherever you are and head home? Should you — gasp! — spank your child in public? When your child’s first public display of overt disobedience occurs, be ready. You can’t avoid it, so prepare for the moment when your little darling turns into a little demon.

Curious behavior

“Toddlers are never little angels in public,” says Ann Douglas, a mother of four and author of The Mother of All Baby Books: The Ultimate Guide to Your Baby’s First Year (John Wiley & Sons; $15.99) and The Mother of All Toddler Books (John Wiley & Sons; $15.99).

In fact, when Douglas’ son was 2, he pulled the plug on an entire cash register system while they were shopping at a local store. “He was magnetically drawn to plugs and outlets,” says Douglas.

“This is natural behavior for toddlers,” says Robert Billingham, an associate professor of human development and family studies. “Everything is so new, exciting, interesting and stimulating. They’re simply responding in a curious sort of way,” he adds.

An ounce of prevention

The best way to handle bad behavior, of course, is to avoid it. “Prevention is always the best strategy with toddlers,” says Douglas. This may seem impossible when parenting a toddler, but with a few tricks up your sleeve, you may be able to head it off at least some of the time.

One of the best ways to prevent bad behavior is to pay attention to your little one. Before you head to the supermarket, consider a few things: Is your toddler hungry or tired? Is he having a bad day? Is he feeling sick? It’s probably best to delay your trip if the answer to any of these questions is yes. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for trouble. If your toddler seems to be up for an outing, there are several strategies that may help to keep misbehavior at bay.

First, before you arrive, tell your tot exactly what you expect of him and the consequences if those expectations are not met. Billingham suggests establishing a single cue that lets your tot know that you’re reaching your limit. That could be your tone of voice, a gesture, clapping your hands or a certain word. It should be “a very clear signal to the child that very specifically says the behavior has to stop now,” he says.

Another strategy is to keep your toddler entertained. Make a game out of grocery shopping, such as asking him to find an item with a certain picture on it. Douglas also suggests bringing along a “trick bag” with hand puppets and other toys that you can pull out at a moment’s notice.